You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Have

Regarding self-sacrifice as a badge of honor comes from our very best intentions. We’ve been told that when we put others’ needs first, we’ll feel so good about ourselves that our needs will diminish. While this is often true about our desires, it is dangerously incorrect about our needs.

Our most important need is for love.  Many of us have been taught to look for others to meet thi needs: parents, siblings, friends, lovers and even our children.  However, loving oneself begins from within, and not relying on our significant others to suppress their needs in favor of ours.  More importantly, there is nobody who can love us the way we need to be loved — with one exception: US!

Love is best demonstrated with time and attention. We must give ourselves all the time and attention we need, so that our soul is overflowing with love.  Free from unmet needs, our loved ones will sense the pure joy we derive from being with them. They won’t feel defensive about disappointing us or act out in order to get our attention.

Only we know what we need.  Only we can provide it.  We must make the time to check-in and discern our wants from our needs.  Extending love to ourselves through self-care so our souls may soar.   

Today’s author Laura Nash is a consultant and Chopra-certified meditation instructor who teaches individuals and companies “peace of mind” skills. Visit her an

8 thoughts on “You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Have

  1. There are people in my life who I wish with all my heart would “get” this. I get so tired of being expected to meet needs that they should be meeting themselves. *sigh*

  2. That’s where we have to draw boundaries and ask ourselves “Is THIS my problem?” If the answer is “no,” then we find ways to convey that to the people who have these expectations of us. No one can MAKE us meet their expectations…we allow them to.

  3. As women I think it’s so easy to feel we HAVE to meet other people’s expectations and forget our own count equally. One of my family members actually dropped a jar of mayonaise on my front porch when I said “NO” firmly one of the first times. Now, they’ve come to expect it from me and it’s easier on all of us when I stand my ground.

  4. My problem isn’t that I don’t say no, it’s that they just keep on trying time and time again…like that expression about the definition of insanity is that you keep doing the same things over and over and expect a different outcome. You would think after all this time, they would have gotten the picture. I don’t get what makes a person persist when they’re consistently told no! Standing my ground over and over again, well, it’s exhausting and beyond irritating! LOL. I feel like I should be on Wheel Of Fortune: “Well, Pat, I’d like to buy a clue!” And then give it to them. LOL.

  5. LOL Angela!! I know what you mean. I have found it helpful to say NO and walk away or remove myself from the situation if possible…and even if I have to avoid phone calls for a while, I do. Of course, everyone has different situations. Just my 2 cents.

  6. Stacey, I practice the Phone Call Avoidance Technique regularly, as needed. Now I just have to figure out what to do with all the nasty voice mail messages I get as a result! LOL.

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